Beyond the bounds of possibility

I have four weeks left here. That seems so unreal, so infeasible, so "beyond the bounds of possibility." It's like a have a life here. And it's normal, I've reached a point where I saw no end in sight. Why would it end, it's my life. I forgot completely about what I left behind in the US. And I mean all the little parts, the details of that far-away life. Not the people of that life, not my family and friends, although some of those people are like fuzzy pictures in my head. 10 months is a long time when you've only lived 17 years.

There's things, and feelings I love about my Spanish life and others I will be happy to leave behind.

But right now I'm just stuck in this sense, this wavery feeling of unrealness. I cannot comprehend that it is ending. It wasn't easy, this year was without a doubt the hardest of my life. But I don't have even a wisp of resentfulness for coming here. I've changed so much as a person. I don't remember who I was before, but I'm happy with who I am now. I know it was the hardest emotional experiences of my life that I dealt with this year that transformed me.

Laying on the cold tile floor with my youngest sister today I started to think about all these things. She had her head resting on my stomach and I had my arm wrapped around her, and I just wanted to cry. My family here has done so so much for me.. and I am going to miss them so much. Plus, I can never give them enough gratitude for everything they have done, the opportunities they have given me. Without them taking me in, I would have been home in December when I needed to switch families.

My time on exchange has changed my perspective on life. The way I see other culures and languages, the way I see Europe and the world, understanding other people's ways of life. An Exchange Year is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I think it's a shame more people don't do them.

To close, I will leave you all with something written by another exchange student somewhere. (Sadly I don't have a name to give them credit.)

"A year has passed and now we stand on the brink, of returning to a world where we are surrounded by the paradox of everything and yet nothing being the same. In a couple of weeks we will reluctantly give our hugs and, fighting the tears,we will say goodbye to people who were once just names on a sheet of paper to return to people that we hugged and fought tears to say goodbye to before we ever left.We will leave our best friends to return to our best friends.

We will go back to the places we came from, and go back to the same things we did last summer and every summer before. We will come into town on that same familiar road, and even though it has been months, it will seem like only yesterday. As you walk into your old bedroom, every emotion will pass through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed and the person you have become. You suddenly realize that the things that were most important to you a year ago don't seem to matter so much anymore, and the things you hold highest now, no one at home will completely understand...

Just weeks from now we will leave. Just weeks from now we take down our pictures, and pack up our clothes. No more going next door to do nothing for hours on end. We will leave our friends whose random e-mails and phone calls will bring us to laughter and tears this summer, and hopefully years to come. We will take our memories and dreams and put them away for now, saving them for our return to this world.

Just weeks from now we will arrive. Just weeks from now we will unpack our bags and have dinner with our families. We will drive over to our best friend's house and do nothing for hours on end. We will return to the same friends whose random emails and phone calls have brought us to laughter and tears over the year. We will unpack old dreams and memories that have been put away for the past year. In just weeks we will dig deep inside to find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep each other close. And somehow, in some way, we will find our place between these two worlds.

In just weeks."

Mil gracias por leer mi blog, Besos,
Lani