Only 2 months.

I know it's been too long. I guess I have writer's block.

Call it what you will, it just feels like life is all hitting me at once. people ask me everyday when I will go home and then express their disappointment when I say I'll be leaving at the end of June. Right when summer begins, which is apparently the best part of the year here.

That's 2 months. To me it still seems like a lot of time. I don't want to be reflecting and thinking back on my year yet. I'm not ready for that. But yet I'm trying to rationalize and relate my two lives to each other. It's just so complex; it boggles my mind.

People in the US generally don't care too much about the Spanish culture. Let's be honest. But people here in Spain are FASCINATED with the United States. They all want to be Americans. They tell me how cool it is that I am American and how they wish they could live in the US too. I just kind of nod and smile. Yeah, the United States has got some good things going. But so does Spain. I really don't see either culture as better than the other. Especially now that I really feel affiliated with them both.

In some ways I'm excited to be going back. One of the reasons is the comfort of my first language again. Something that I experienced alot in my experience (I want to emphasize that everyone's is different) was an underlying feeling of inequality. I can't speak at the speed of the Andalusians or with the perfect Spanish accent, so people wouldn't want to talk to me. There are those who kind of smoothly ignore me..It's one of those not-so-great parts of my year that has certainly caused me to not always be so eager to talk. I have honestly met some really nice people though that have showed me true kindness.

Of course, I don't worry about that. I can't blame them. More than anything, it's been a learning experience for me as I have become so humbled and I will look at foreigners in the US speaking English completely differently. I know all the hard work and courage it takes to be surrounded by natives and speak their language. Those people deserve serious respect. If there's one thing I've learned from my English class here in Spain, it's that English is pretty challenging. Phrasal Verbs are confusing.

So those are just my random thoughts from today. Sorry for the lack of structure :)..
Besos, Lani.