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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

After the End

It's been a whirlwind of weeks since I arrived home. Those weeks have become months, and with that, the struggle of readjusting and trying to get comfortable in this country again has become easier. My exchange is over. It took me a little while to fully realize that fact. On the drive home from the JFK airport in New York City, I listened to Pablo Alborán on replay, silently crying and trying to make sense of everything.

But as the time's passed, life here has normalized. I've felt myself falling back into the typical patterns of life here in America. It's such a shock because living abroad puts you on the outside looking in. It's a unique experience to be on the margins of society. It's a temporary situation, but not always easy. But it's something you really can't experience in any other way, and it's that outsider perspective that makes people change and grow and mature so much during exchange years.

Spain shaped me, it changed who I am. I'm so grateful for the experience. I'm so grateful for all the wonderful people that befriended the American, the people who I may no longer talk to daily, but who will always be in my heart.

I don't want to create the impression that an exchange year is a short-lived thing and when it's over, it's over. Because it isn't like that. The memories will last forever. Sometimes I feel like my time in Spain didn't actually happen, that it's just all a hopeful creation in my mind. I hate thinking like that. But returning to my home here in Ohio was just like a jolt. It was like while I was on exchange, I was swinging higher and higher. Spain was an adventure and it kept me swinging. Until suddenly I fell off the swing and onto my back. I was dropped into a completely new place. On the ground again, where everything familiar that I know and love is. But I had to start, rev up that swing again.
I know that's kinda a crazy metaphor. I hope you all get it. I don't know how else to explain the experience and how re-culture shock was so strong yet nonexistent.

I have a whirlwind of thoughts swirling around my head, as far as where my life will go from here. I like being undecided and not knowing. I don't want to tie myself down to any one idea or life choice or career path yet. So going into what it sure to be an insanely busy and fun-filled senior year in high school, I will take all the lessons that Spain taught me and put them to good use. I will not disappoint.

Besos besos besos, Lani.

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